


The race

by Toffino



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Dubious Ethics, Ethical Dilemmas, Gen, Hospitalization, Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-16 02:33:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3471146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toffino/pseuds/Toffino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The first heart transplant in Japan was conducted at Sapporo Medical University in 1968 by Dr Wada.[7] This operation attracted concerns that Dr. Wada's evaluation of brain death was inappropriate, and even though an investigation of possible criminal liability was dismissed, a distrust of organ transplanting developed, particularly of transplants from brain dead donors. This brought subsequent developments in transplanting to a halt"</p><p>Rin is a young, talented heart surgeon and Haruka Nanase just happens to faint during one of very important tournaments and ends up in hospital with the diagnosis of heart failure,.<br/>The translation from Polish, strongly inspired by Polish film about first heart transplants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

‘Doctor Matsuoka called to A&E for consultations!’ – the nurse stood in the treshholds of the medical room.  
‘Hm?’ the physician looked at her over the journal he was reading. He brushed his slightly too long, red bangs. ‘What now, all of sudden?’  
‘ There is a patient down there, in the emergency room. Heart failure, he fainted during the swimming tournament..’.  
‘ Swimming tournament?’ murmured Rin. He closed his medical journal and with strange, somehow scary flash in his eyes he put his cup away. Sousuke Yamazaki, sitting on the couch in front of TV, gave him a quick, curious look.  
‘This is going to be good’ he decided.Matsuoka murdered him with his gaze. He rose from his swivel chair and left the room, putting on his coat on the way. The nurse looked at him with bewilderment. Then she fixed her eyes on the other physician, silently begging for some sort of explanation.  
‘You’re new here, huh?’ asked Sousuke in friendly, calm manner, as usual. Slightly frightened girl nodded. Yamazaki focused on changing channels in the TV with a remore control.  
‘Doctor Matsuoka has some… issues with professional swimmers’ – he explained. – ‘He’s sort of a bully towards tchem and he never loses his chance to blow some steam off. Interesting spectacle, very entertaining. Highly recommended by Sousuke Yamazaki, the best neurosurgeon around here’.  
The nurse only shrugged and backed off, leaving the best neurosurgeon around here alone with the TV. 

‘Where is your coach?’ heart surgeon, Rin Matsuoka looked angrily at three young swimmers hunched on plastic chairs in the waiting room.  
Friends of the patient, there were no doubts about it. They were all well-built and they were wearing jackets with the name of the team imprinted on them (Iwatobi something, Rin didn’t even bother to look). None of them was willing to answer. Tall, dark-haired boy only shrugged and fixed his eyes on the floor. Small, fair-haired boy, the thinnest of them all, was looking round, clearly fascinated with hospital environment: white corridors and the presence of medical staff.  
‘I don’t suppose it’s such a difficult question. Where is your coach?’  
‘ Well, acually..’ tall, green-eyed swimmer looked at the physcian sheepishly. ‘We are kind of… training by ourselves.. I mean, we have an official supervisor from our university, but it’s just so.. you know, she has no idea about swimming, she doesn’t swim herself, so… ‘  
Rin covered his face with one hand.  
‘You are training all by yourselves?’ – he repeated in low, resigned voice. ‘ Splendid. Ok… so who’s the captain here?’  
There was a silence again. Team members were looking at each other, unsure how to respond. Curious nurses observed the scene from their nurse station. Even Sousuke appeared in the door of medical room to listen for a while. Then the green-eyed guy rose his hand. Rin estimated him with just one look. Tall, broad-shouldered. With a face too nice for a team leader.  
‘ You?’ he asked, just to make sure.  
‘Makoto Tahibana’ confirmed the student.’Captain of Iwa…’  
‘ I know, I can read’– answered Rin, looking at his jacket with blank expression. ; Thr captain, hm?’ he narrowed his eyes. ‘Then, I guess I should fucking congratulate you for your amazing captain-ing. Controlling the team, responsibility, all that.. You put a swimmer with advanced heart failure in a race. You allowed him to jump into the fucking water and swim, not even thinking about the fact that he can for example drown or.. ‘  
‘I..’ the boy averted his eyes. ‘ I didn’t want to… I didn’t know that he…  
‘Hey’ the smallest of the team members stood on his feet, looking at the physician angrily. 'Calm down a little, will you?’  
Rin ignored him. He grabbed the jacket of the team leader and pushed him against the wall.  
‘ You trained with those brats’ he hissed. ‘You managed them, you kept your eyes on them. Did you really miss the obvious signs that something is wrong? Didn’t you pay attention?’  
‘He didn’t say a word…he didn’t mention that he feels ill or anything.. besides, this tournament…  
‘ Because you see’ third swimmer also stood from his chair. He corrected his glasses with impatient, hasty gesture. ‘ It was a very important tournament… There are only four of us, they want to close our club, but if we had won…'  
‘ The swimmer didn’t tell you he feels weak, because he wanted to be in the most important tournament?’asked Rin with a wry smile. He gave Makoto heavy look. ‘ What a surprise. And what did you expect, genius? You expected him to act like any normal, logically thinking human and admitt that he is ill and, oh no, fail his teammates? You should’ve noticed it, as their captain! It’s your task, since the coach doesn’t give a fuck! Observe, do you understand the meaning of this world? Fatigue, shallow breth…’  
‘ Well, he had some sort of cold lately and after that he was a little bit…’  
‘ Weigh gain, ankle-swelling’ enumerated Rin,rising his voice.’ You don’t need to become a medicial doctor to notice it. You just need to think, goddamnit! You just need to be a good captain that cares for their teammembers and not a moron who worries only about the closing of the club and focuses on pushing his colleagues to their limits and forcing them to swim in some stupid tournament nobody cares for but him! Are you aware that you have probably killed your friend?  
Makoto’s green eyes widened. His face, too nice for a captain, contorded in pain, as if punched by a fist. As if Rin hit him, not only held him by his jacket. And he deserved that, thought the heart surgeon. Live and learn, stupid brat.  
‘ Anyway’ the dark-haired swimmer adjusted his glasses again. It was some sort of tic, he did it whenever he was about to speak. ‘ Would you tell us ho wis he? We are worried, we’ve been waiting here for…’  
‘ Are you family? ‘ asked Rin in a very matter-of-fact voice. He let go of Makoto and allowed him to sit on the plastic hair and bury his face in his hands.’ Any of you?’  
‘ No, not really’ admitted the boy with the glasses, assuming the role of the speaker of the group. ‘ But I believe that as his teammembers we have a right to…’  
‘You don’t have a shit of a right. His parents are on the way, maybe they would be willing to feed your curiosity. But personally I wouldn’t count on that. I figure that they wouldn’t be very excited having you within their eyesight.’  
He ignored further pleadings and negotiation attempts. He turned back and moved to his office, slamming the door behind him. He had to prepare for rather unpleasant conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Nanase. 

‘Rin Matsuoka, great destroyer of youthfull hopes and dreams’ jested Sousuke, entering the room in which the swimmer rested, unconcious and conntected to all kinds of equipment. Rin didn’t answer. He stood there, focusing entirely on the heart rate graph on one of the screens. Sousuke stood next to him, also looking at the lines. They did’t look very optimistic. He knew that Rin isn’t just killing time. He was on the watch, waiting for any problems to come. ‘That kid you yelled at on the corridor bursted into tears and run away from the ward the moment you finally left him alone’  
‘ Horrible’  
‘Well, you know, his mate fainted and almost drowned himself during the tournament, it is sort of stressing itself. You could have been nicer’  
‘ I could’ admitted Rin.’ But I wasn’t’.  
‘Why?’  
‘ No idea’ answered the heart surgeon, still focused on the screen. ‘ Maybe on a whim. Mayve because of his face. Maybe I just don’t like poor, irresponsible team leaders. Maybe stupid, kid tournaments are annoying because everybody treat them as the most important thing in life and suddenly everyone is ready to neglect their own health and get themselves into A&E only to start and not to fail their friends’/  
‘ You are bitter’ noticed Sousuke. Rin shrugged.  
‘ And it has nothing to do with Australia?’ interrogated neurosurgeon. Red haired doctor gave him a look of very surprised dragon.  
‘Why do you assume that it has anything to to with Australia?’  
‘ You left there to become a professional swimmer and swim during the Olympic Games. You came back after many years as a extraordinary heart surgeon, with deeply rooted hate for competitive swimming. Look me in the eye and tell me that nothing happened there.’  
‘Nothing happened there’ answered indifferently Rin, with eyes still fixed on the screen.  
‘ So why did you attack the poor kid all of sudden? –kept asking Sousuke. – Like.. for real. Why?  
‘I don’t know ‘ Rin shook his head to get rid of hair going into his eyes. ‘ Maybe I was kind of hoping that he will break down and make some suicidal attempt, or at least jump in front of the car in really clumsy way’ he said through his teeth.’Had he succeeded, we’d have a donor’.  
Sousuke looked at him suspiciously.  
‘Rin, don’t even joke like that. You know that even if…  
‘The family would give consent’ said Rin, definitelly convinced about that. ‘ They are teammates after all.’  
The lights of an ambulance parking in front of the hospital was getting into the room, despite the window shades.


	2. Chapter 2

‘Wonderful joke, Rin – grunted Sousuke, somewhere between heart massage and a series of electrical shocks. The patient was in trauma room, lying on a bed and looking blankly into the ceiling. One of paramedics from ambulance still tried to ventilate him. ‘Perfect timing, seriously.’   
Rin didn’t answer. He atared into disfigured face of the patient, trying to recognize it and match it with someone he might know. It was not easy, considering the number of skull fractures.   
‘What are you getting at?’ he asked, looking u pat Sousuke, still busy with heart massage. ‘ What does it have to do with me?’  
‘Don’t ask stupid questions. Load to two hundred fifty.’  
It wasn’t until the current went through patient’s body, when Rin realized who he has to deal with. Makoto Tahibana. Friend of Haruka Nanase (who, after discharging at his own request yesterday came back to being their patient). Captain of Iwatobi Swim team.  
Kid, whose face was much too nice.  
Now that fac was just a pulp of meat and crushed bones.   
‘Yamazaki needed in trauma two! ‘ yelled nurse, forcefully opening the door. ‘Young Mikoshiba can’t make it on his own again!’  
‘Every fucking timne’ Sousuke stepped back from the table and took off his coat. ‘Take care of this guy here ‘ he ordered. ‘And please, don’t do anything stupid!’   
‘Damn.. ‘ Rin made next attempt of heart massage. He still couldn’t believe that he is fighting for a boy he was screaming at last week on the corridor. ‘What were you thinking, kid?’   
‘He jumped out on the road, right before the car’ explained nurse. ‘It was a sucicial attempt’.   
‘ Quite successfull it may seem’ he murmured grimly. He felt unpleasant shiver going down his spine. ‘Damn, we’re losing him! Load to three hundred ‘ he ordered.   
‘ But… ‘ Nitori, new resident looked at him with widened, scared eyes. ‘But... in fact… ‘  
‘Load to three hundred!’ he repeated firmly. ‘ Clear!’ patient was shaken with one more wave of electric shock. Rin looked at the screen. ‘Not working’ he whispered. ‘Ok, Intubate him. Tube number four.’  
Nobody protested. Nobody asked questions. They worked focused. Quickly,accurately, efficiently.   
\- Ok, rhytm stable – said Rin. He leaned over the patient to check his reactions.   
‘Doctor Matsuoka, if I may ask..’ said Nitori. ‘Is it possible to return to full ability with this rate of brain and spinal cord injuries?’   
Rin scratched his head.   
‘It’s hard for me to take a stand as a heart doctor’ he said slowly. ‘Sousuke and his team for sure will tell you more but.. ‘ he made a weird grin. ‘Nitori, how do you cal inedible part of a vegetable?’  
The boy gave him uncertain look, visible from his fair, almost silvery fringe.   
‘Mechanical ventilator, Nitori’ said Rin with low, tired voice. ‘It is called mechanical ventilator’. 

‘Haruka Nanase ‘ Rin slowly read out the name from the cart. He looked at the patient. Patient looked at him. His eyes for some reason resembled ocean. It was not the matter of colour. It was a matter of depth. ‘I see you decided to come back to us’  
The boy nodded his head. Dark bangs immediatelly fell on his forehead.   
‘I’m Rin Matsuoka, heart surgeon. You may remember me from your last brief visit here, at the ER’   
The patient confirmed that with another small nod of his head.   
‘ You are currently under my care’  
‘I see ’   
He didn’t ask any question. He didn’t want to learn about state of his health, about his family or friends. Although.. lack of questions concerning friends was in this circumstances rather in favour of Rin, as his best friend was lying on Sousuke’s ward, probably brain-dead. He accepted Rin as his doctor. He was waiting for him to take a lead of conversation. Heart surgeon narrowed his eyes.   
‘What was your time for two hundred metres freestyle? ‘ he asked.   
‘ One minue, forty six seconds’  
‘Not bad. I had similar time at your age ‘ there was a flash of interest in Haru’s blue eyes. ‘Butterfly?’ he kept asking.   
The patient just shrug his shoulders.   
‘Breastsroke?’   
Another shrug.   
‘Dunno’   
The physician raised his eyebrows.   
‘ I only swim free’ explained the boy, clearly proud of it.   
‘ Wrong’ Rin rolled his eyes. ‘ Now you only swim in kids swimming pool, with a lifebuoy, in order not to get to tired. If ever, because it’s not that sure. And all well earned’  
Dark clouds started to gather in Haru’s eyes. Defiance. Fear.   
‘ Not.. that sure?’ he repeated. ‘ That means…. It can happen that I will… I won’t be able to swim again?’   
‘ Your conditio is very serious. I don’t know how long willi t take to drag you out of this. I don’t know if we’ll succeed.   
Blue eyes darkened even more. It was not fear. It was complete lack of understanding. Attempts to imagine something absolutely abstract and far from reality, impossible Rin furrowed his frows. It was hard to make him feel like as he was the worst of bastards, but this boy was dangerously close to that. The fear in his eyes when he heard he may not swim again. Just like if he was told that he will not be allowed to breathe again.   
‘You knew that you have a congenital defect, right? Asked Rin; quietely, seriously, without anger. Nanase averted his gaze. ‘ Did you know?’  
There was a long silence.   
‘ Yes or no?’ Rin started to irrirate. ‘It’s not a difficult question’.   
‘ I found out when I was thirteen’ answered Haru with low, shaky voice. ‘ I fainted at the swimming pool.. just like the last time’   
‘ Don’t compare those two things’ Rin sat on his bed. ‘Last time you practically drowned yourself, scaring everyone to death. Damn, kid’ he looked at the patient. ‘ You knew the recommendations, you adhered to tchem for several years, as I can see from the medical history I received from your previous doctor. Everything was under control and it could’ve stayed like thi for at least few more years. Where did you get the idea of competitive swimming? Awakened ambitions? Thirst for rivalry?   
Again there was only silence. Nanase was looking at his hands on hospital blanket. He still tried the truth that was impossible to comprehend.   
‘I’m all ears. Please, explain me, because I don’t understand. Why did you come back to competitive swimming knowing that it is killing you?’  
‘ Makoto and Nagisa told me that they want to re-activate the team ‘ answered Haru, with strange, disarming helplessnes. He clenched his fists and losened them again. ‘ They repeated that they want to do relay with me, so I agreed. For them’   
Rin took deep breath. He felt the temptation to scorn him and make him abandon the idea of romantic, idiotic risking his health for friends once and for all. He resisted it, reminding himself that last intervention of that kind led his friend straight to neurology ward and machine ventilator.   
‘Was it worth it?’ he asked after a while.   
‘ Yes’.

‘He said something like this and you didn’t kill him?’ wondered Souske, when Rin briefly told him about conversation with that patient. He take a look at Rin’s office. Some documents, few medical books. No personal things. ‘You didn’t laugh at him? You didn’t make another disulussioned, bitter speech, or something?’  
‘ Not really’.  
Sousuke made a small whistle.   
‘ Either you’ve started to learn from your own mistakes ‘ he looked at Rin’s arogant posturę and quickly abandoned that possibility. ‘ Or you were simply moved by him’  
‘ You think too much’   
Sousuke was still looking at him, interested and slightly amused.   
‘ What?’ the heart surgeon gave him angry, piericing look. ‘ What now?’   
‘ No, nothing’ Sousuke shook his head,.He assumed more serious tone.’ Did you tell him about his teammate?’ he asked. Makoto’s condidion didn’t change. Not that it was really possible. They were both aware of it. His heart was beating. His brain was not working.   
‘ Me?’ Rin blinked, a little bt surprised. ‘ Why me? I was supposed to tell him about how fucked he is now’   
‘And without a doubt you did you job just fine. But…’Sousuke furrowed his brows. ‘His parents didn’t tell him?   
‘ No idea’ admitted heard surgeon. He took another sip of coffee. ‘ He didn’t ask me about it, so I didn’t start the topic. He just mentioned that it was Makoto that got him into swim team, because friendship is magic.   
‘ And he didn’t ask about hi mor anything?’   
‘ No, I’ve already told you’ – Rin finished his coffee and put the cup away. ‘ Either nobody’s told him yet, or he is brain-dead himself, or secretly he is a goldfish and he operates only on short-term memory’   
‘Considering his attitude towards swimming, I’d say he is a goldfish’ decided Sousuke.   
Rin was silent for a while. He was playing with a pen. He put it away. He started to tap the desk with his fingers.   
‘Are you going to call the comission?’he asked finally. Sousuke narrowed his eyes. He leaned over his friend.   
‘ Comission?’ he repeared. ‘  
;’You know, brain death comission’   
Sousuke made few steps backed and looked at Rin. He brushed his hair with one hand.   
‘ Damn, Rin’ he came up to the window. He stared blankly at the driveway, perfectly aware of the tension that suddenly appeared in the office. Just as if temperaturę raised . As i fair was suddenly sparking with electricity. ‘Damn’ he repeated. ‘ I thought we’re through with this topic. You.. you don’t even know if he is ok for that, if there are any contraindications or..   
‘ There aren’t’ interrupted Rin. He looked at Sousuke from behind his desk, very arogant and very content with himself. ‘ I checked for that. There is even tissue compatibility. He can be a donor for Nanase, but we need to call the comission.   
Sousuke suddenly turned from the window and pierced him with his gaze.   
‘ Rin’ he wasn’t even angry. He was just scared. ‘ You didn’t put him under life suport only to have potential donor for the other boy here, did you?’  
Rin did not confirm his suspicion. Nor did he deny.   
‘Great’ murmured Sousuke, again looking at his reflection in the window glass. The reflection has very bitter smile and corner of the mouth was a little shaky.’ Thank you very much, Rin. Brain death, life suport and tissue compability with recipient. That’s what people call bioetical bingo.   
‘Call the comission’ insisted Rin. He raised from his armchair and he stare dat Sousuke firmly. Challengingly.’ It’s not like he will get more brain dead than now’.   
‘Rin, are you even listening? Chill out! Take care of your boy, there are at least few options you can use before you start to plan how to dismember my patient’   
Heart surgeon narrowed his eyes.   
‘ Do you think any of those options will work? Like.. honestly? In his conditon only one, true chance is to..   
‘At least try, for fuck’s sake’ Sousuke grow more and more angry. ‘ Don’t go for it if you have other possibilities to move. And keep away from my suicide, I’ll take care of him’.   
‘ How?’ asked bluntly Rin.   
‘ Hm?’  
‘How are you going to take care of him? Out of pure curiosity. I’d love to see that.’  
Alarming flashes appeared in Sousuke’s eyes.   
‘ At least you could try to be so nice and avoid getting on my nerved. Young Mikoshiba has already used all my patience.   
‘What if his parents agreed?’   
‘ You won’t ask them about that’ said Sousuke, rising his voice. He didn’t do it for quite a while, he was surprised himself. ‘ You won’t even get close to his family. You’ve done enough wrong’  
Rin didn’t answer. He was still looking at him, fully focused.   
‘We’ll see about that’ he said He couldn’t continue. The nurse came to told him that Nanase’s conditio worsened again.   
‘ Even if they agree’ yelled Sousuke, when Rin was closing the door. ‘ It doesn’t mean that Nanase will get the heart. The waiting list is quite long, you know!   
.There was no response.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter in which Gou appears and Rin's dark past is somewhat hinted. Obviously person from Rin's past is an OC, created for the needs of the plot.

‘Evening round, Nanase’ said cheerfully Rin, entering the room. Niori was following him, holding patient’s chart in his hands.  
Haruka reluctantly opened his eyes, to look at entering doctors. Oxygen mask covered half of his face.  
‘Nitori, report ‘ ordered the heart surgeon still maintaining, happy, joyful tone. He observed carefully Nanase as he was listening to the report about his conditio. Last day for sure was nightmarish. Despite administration of drugs, he has already had three episodes of ventrical flicker. After another day of fight with unstable heart rhythm, he was more tired and weathered than on the day of admission.  
‘ That sounds a little bit sinister’ said Rin, when his intern finished reporting. ‘But don’t worry, kid, we’ll make it all right somehow. Maybe you won’t be able to swim competetively, but I’ll do my best to allow you to get into a pool once in a while. ‘  
Blue eyes sparkled immediatelly.  
‘Really?’  
‘Really’ ensured him Rin. ‘ We’ll torturę you a little bit before that happens’ he sat on patient’s bed. ‘I’m afraid that we’ll have to cut you. But you have my word that soon you will leave this place, as fit as a fish’.  
Nitori looked at his supervisor wih bewilderment. Rin really wanted the boy to finally learn how to controll his face expressions. He undermined his fragile credbility.  
‘ Why so serious?’ he asked, looking at his patient.’ Naturally apart from the fact that you are at cardiological intensive care unit, your heart is destroyed and you almost died three times today. Something else is worrying you?’ he asked with the patience and kindness that made Nitori stare at him.  
‘ Can I… can I ask something?’. The patient looked down, at his hands placed on the blanket. He was playing with the sensor on the palm of right hand. Rin started to wonder how difficult it was for him to break and ask question. As he mnaged to observe so far, the kid was extremely introvertic. What on earth could have lure him out of safe waters into the dangers of human interactions?  
‘Sure. Ask anything’.  
‘My friend’ he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. ‘ Makoto.. He was placed in this hospital, right?’  
Obviously. Friendship is magic.  
Nitori got a little bit pale. Rin forced his smile to stay on his face and don’t go anywhere, at least for now.  
‘ He has good care’ he ensured. ‘ The best you can imagine. I would allow you to see him, if it wasn’t for the possibility that you may faint and start to flicker when we detach you from this – he showed all the machines surrounding them. ‘I’m sorry, kid’.  
‘It wasn’t an accident, was it?’ whispered Haru. He kept his eyes closed. Probably there was a wild thunderstorm under his eyelids.  
‘ Excuse me?’  
‘Makoto… he wasn’t just hit by a car.’  
‘Do you try to undermine police reports?;  
‘I heard something on the corridor. That he jumped under that car. That it was because of me… because he felt guilty.  
Rin looked down. There was no point in denying. He lied enough today.  
‘Why… why did he do it?’  
‘Nanase’, Rin gently put hand on his shoulder. ‘ Listen to me carefully. And please, don’t start to choke or flicker or do anything weird meanwhile. I don’t want to hurt you or make you feel guilty, I’m just.. I want to tell you how the things are’  
The boy opened his eyes. They were dark, clouded.  
‘How the things are?’  
‘ When you are a part of a team, you are in a way part of the same body, right?. You practice together, you get tired together, you win together. You trust each other. And if you trust each other, you tell about everytging that matters. I understand that you didn’t want to inform them about your conditio. You didn’t want their pity or special treatment, you didn’t want them to resign from swimming together, but… you cheated them by hiding this. You misleaded people who cared for you. Did you really think that they remain indifferent when they find out? Because you knew that they will find out, right? That at some point your heart will fail. Did you wonder how they would feel when it happens?’ he spoke with more an more engagement and passion. Nitori just stood there, staring at him and Haru. ‘ They didn’t know what’s going on. When you fainted, they had to be confused, they probably started to wonder if they had missed something, that they could ask more, pay more attention. They started to feel guilty, because they missed something, busy with their dreams and ambitions. It’s a great responsibility, Haru. People can easily break under that burden.  
Haru looked at him, pale and scared. His lower lip was shaking. His ribcage was moving up and down. His breaths were more shallow and more nervous, despite the oxygen mask. He was fluttering like a fish taken out of the pond. He was losing consciousness. Rin looked at the monitor.  
\- And there he goes again – he said in low, resigned voice. – Nitori, defibrillator. Time to get back to work. 

‘Doctor Matsuoka!’ Rin stopped and turned back on the sound of his surname. ‘Please, wait!’  
Nitori run towards him with his jacked opened and his bag handing from his arm.  
‘ Are you going home now?’  
‘ No, Nitori, I’m going to the pub and drink to forget about my failures’ snorted Rin. He looked at the timetable on the platform. ‘ I’m after 48 hours on duty, of course I’m going home’.  
\- So… were taking the same train – said the intern, for some reason very happy. Rin rolled his eyes. At this point intern licking his boots was the last thing he needed.  
‘ Can I ask something?’ said Nitori, when they took their places.  
‘You just did’ sighed Rin. He looked at the window. ‘ What? What do you want to know ?’  
‘Well, it’s that.. I heard that you used to swim competetively..’  
‘ Stupid rumors’snorted Rin.’ Who said that?’ he added after a while. He narrowed his eyes.’I’ll kill the bastard.’.  
‘No, it’s not that anyone told me’ Nitori shook his head, probably convinced that Rin is going to chase the culprit with a scalpel in his hand.’I sort of figured it out myself’  
Heart surgeon looked at him with amazement.  
‘ What did you figure out?’ he interrogated. ‘ How?’  
‘The way you were talking with that patient today. Nanase’  
Rin put his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He assumed more comfortable position on his seat.  
‘ I talk to him normally, I don’t know what you, guys, are trying to imply’ he growled.  
‘When you told him about being a part of swim team… and lying to your teammates’ intern’s voice was shaky with emotions. ‘ It was so real. It was as if… as if you’ve experienced it yoursef. As if one of your teammates hide something from you when you were the leader. As if you.. understood that completely. ‘  
Rin stood up.  
‘ It’s my stop’ he said, reaching out for his bag. ‘Safe way to your dorms, don’t get hit by a car or something. I will need you soon.’  
‘ Goodbye, doctor Matsuoka. Have a nice evening’  
‘I’ll try’ 

 

‘The prodigal brother finally came back home’ said Gou, turning away from some stupid TV show.’ The dinner in the fridge, take care of yourself’  
‘ Because why would you het the idea to cook dinner for tired brother?  
‘Actually I did, three hours ago when you were supposed to be at home, according to the plan’ she said. There were messy notes on a table in front of him, marked with colourful highliters. Her affection for men in white coats pushed her to apply to nurse school. At this point she was preparing for her entry exams, therefore temporary she was staying at her older brother’s place.  
‘ My patient was flickering, I couldn’t just leave him’ he murmured. He started to prepare evening meal. ‘ Did I miss something important when I was at work? Apart from warm dinner?’  
‘Rent, letter from insurance agency and postcard from Australia’  
He suddenly froze. Then he slowly turned in her direction.  
‘WHAT?  
‘ A postcard from Australia. You know, a card. Landscape on the one side and…  
‘ Yes, yes, I know’ – he waved his hand impatiently. ‘ I know what a postcard is. From Australia?’  
‘Yup, the post stamp says so. Don’t worry, I didn’t read, I’m not that good in English’ she shrug her shoulders.’ I left it in your room’.  
‘ Thanks’ He took his dinner and hide with it in his room to find some solitude. Gou sighed quietly and came back to browsing through her notes. When she finally finished with her studying, it was a little bit after midnight. In Rin’s room the light was still on. She decided to check on him. He had the tendency to fall asleep in weirdest places and positions possible. This time he was sleeping on the floor, with his back supported by the bed. The postcard from Australia was lying next to him, and there was a photo in his right hand. It showed a group of high school boys in their swimsuits. Rin, dressed in his team leader jacket was embracing a blue-eyed boy standing next to him. Even on the old photo eyes of Rin’s friend seemed to be very light and very intensive. Ah yes, Australia and big swimming adventure Rin never talked about. Cheerful, handsome, (tall, wonderfully build, gorgeous) boys surruounding Rin, were probably his teammates in Olympic School he was attending then. Maybe that postcard was from the blue-eyed boy? They seemed to be quite close, at least on that picture. She gently took the photo from her brother’s hand and put it in the pocket of his bag. He should finally put something on his desk. His office was so empty and cold.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There may be some research errors here, I'm not medical specialist and I wasn't able to check everything. I tried to do my research as detailed as possible.

"So, why freestyle?’ asked Rin, looking at Haru. He was performing coronography and, as usually during this examination, he tried to talk to patients in order to draw their attention from unpleasant procedurę. The list of subject that would engage Nanase was rather limited, yet he was trying his best.   
Nanase looked at him, a bit surprised.   
"Excuse me?”   
"You said you only swim free. Why?”   
The boy just stared blankly into space.   
"No idea” he answered. „Just so”.  
"Oh, come on, just admitt it” Rin gave him small, provocative smile. Patient looked at him suspiciously. "Don’t be ashamed just because you weren’t able to master any other style. And don’t be so nervous, your pressure will go crazy and we'll be just wasting our time trying to examine you” he added, seeing sparks of anger in patient’s eyes.   
"I know other styles” answered proudly Nanase.  
"But you don’t use them”.   
"No”.   
"Ok” Rin looked at the monitor. He continued the procedure. ‘What’s so special about it? Because it has to be special in a way, since you are so crazy about it. It must have some special meaning.”  
"No, not really”  
"But it does, right?’  
Haru closed his eyes. He was silent for so long, that Rin started to suspect that evil underwater queen took away his voice and he will never provide any answer.   
"It’s freedom” he said finally, still keeping his eyes closed. "Real freedom. I cannot really explain that, but… when I jump into water and start to swim, I just feel free. Nothing resists me. It’s natural, just like breathing”. He opened his eyes and looked at Rin. ‘You know what I mean, right?”   
„Oh yes”, said quietly

 

"What’s up?" he asked, coming closer to the coffee machine. Sousuke Yamazaki was standing next to it, angrilly hitting its housing and trying to regain his change.’Did you manage to resurrect you patient?’  
"Do I look like a necromancer?" snorted brain surgeon. "This thing is fucking useless” he glared angrily at the mahine. "If you came here to get coffee, better go to the cafeteria” he turned away, and started walking towards his office.  
Rin stood on his way.   
‘Don’t change the subject” he warned. "What are you going to do?”  
"With the machine? Report it to the maintenance”.  
"With my donor”.   
"I’ve already told you, Rin. Drop the subject, for your own good”.  
"The meds don’t work’ answered heart sugeon, pinning him down with his eyes. "After forty eight hours of medication he’s still not stable, therefore he qualifies for urgent transplant.”  
"Just like hundreds of people in this country” pointed out Sousuke. He looked down at Rin. "Listen… even if I call the comission here and now, and even if thy confirm that he is brain dead and his parents give their consent for organ donation, it will be first operation like that in many years. Priority goes to people who are waiting the longest, so sorry, but the chance that your patient will receive his teammates heart is maybe two percent. Don’t get too excited. Let it go".  
"No. My patient will get his heart, even if I have to… "  
Sousuke looked at him, surprised and alarmed.   
"Even if you have to what?” he asked. ‘What are you up to, Rin?”  
"Everything I can”  
Sousuke put his hands on his shoulders and shook them.   
"Snap out, man!” he growled."You’re already walking on the thin ice! They can press charges against you, do you understand? All your work can go wasted,you can go to jail, or get the employment prohibition! Do you want that?”  
Rin didn’t answer. His eyes were challenging not only Sousuke, but whole world. He wasn’t going to let go.   
"Rin” Sousuke stepped back and put hands in the pockets of his coat. ‘If.. if you do it.. if you get into trouble, I won’t be able to help you, do you understand? I won’t cover things off in front of Mikoshiba or the management. Do you understand?”  
"I will manage” answered Rin, turning away and going in his direction. ‘With or without you”.


	5. Chapter 5

'Good news, Nanase' said Rin, entering the ICU unit. Nitori was following him and Rin, reluctant as he was, couldn't send him away. It woud be too suspicious. Behave as if nothing happened. As if everything was according to the procedure. 'We have a donor for you'.

The boy looked at him, surprised. He just woke up from short, shallow nap, and he still wasn't sure where he is now and what's the situation.

'Donor' repeated Rin, coming closer and leaning over him. 'You're going to have new heart. Actually more like 'second hand heart' but still in good shape. Wonderful heart.

'You are of age, so you have to agree for the surgery' interrupted Nitori. His voice was shaking nervously. Rin was almost sure that he prepared that line before and spent long hours practicing it in front of mirror. ' So.. are you willing to give your informed consent?'

Nanase looked down. He stare dat his thin hand on the blanket.

'That heart' he whispered. 'Where is it from?'

'It fell straight from the sky' snapped impatiently Rin. 'Small angels sent it on the cloud. Do they even teach you anything in school these days?!'

He felt cold sweat dripping down his spine. Please, agree, give your consent now, stupid kid. Otherwise it will be too late, otherwise you won't get the heart. Someone will find out about this misconduct, everyone will know, and heart will go to some unknown patient somewhere in Japan.

Haru swallowed. His hands were shaking.

'Someoe… someone had to die, right?'

Rin did not deny it. Nitori looked at him. Then he looked at the patient. Then his eyes came back to Rin.

'I know it is a difficult moment for you, Haruka, but…'

'Who was that?' asked the swimmer. ' Who.. who had to die so I could get this heart?'

Nitori was so stressed that he forgot his perfectly prepared lines. Luckily Rin managed to stay calm.

'It would be against the law to tell you that' he said, giving Nanase stern look. Please, agree, please, give your consent. 'Do you give your informed consent for the heart transplantation? Will you sign the document to confirm that you agree for the procedurę?

Nanase closed his eyes. He was very pale. Scared and lost. Rin was torn apart between the need to calm him down and even stronger desire to grab his shoulders and force the consent out of him.

'So, Nanase, what's your answer?' he gave him the form of consent. 'Will you be as kind as to sign it?'

'No' answered the patient. He pushed his hand away and fell back on his pillows, weak and pale, breathing heavily, as if he just finished 400 metres race.

' Nanase' Rin looked down on him. ' Are you kidding me?'

'I don't want to' answer Haru with weak voice.'I don't want.. any surgery' he added, with difficulty. His voice was shaky. 'I don't want anyone's heart. Leave me alone, please'.

'Doctor Matsuoka' Nitori coughed. 'Maybe we should..'

'No' said Rin. He stil stood next to the patients bed, with his hand on the metal safety bar. ' What are you afraid of, kid?'

'I'm not afraid.. I just don't want to..'

'You don't want to be free?' asked provocatively Rin, narrowing his eyes. Nitori looked at him alarmed. ' You said that swimming is freedom. That you feel free when you are underwater. Do you want to give it up?! Do you prefer lying here and growing weaker every day, feeling that even opening your eyes is too much?! You prefer that to new heart, possibility to live, walk, study, swim? Someone died, that's a fact. It's brutal and cruel but it's not the reason to resign from freedom.

'You said that I won't be able to swim' noticed Haruka.'Not competitively'

Rin sighed heavily. Shit, he remembered.

'Is that even important?' he asked, more and more passionate.' You'll be able to swim for fun, I promised you that. You'll be able to take your teammates and to to the seaside, splash a little in the water. Isn't it enough? It's much more than you'll be ever able to do without the surgery. And competitive swimming is only up to you.. it depends on how you take care of yourself ' he added, praying for Nitori to stay silent and resign from asking stupid questions.' The hope is not lost yet'.

Nanase slowly opened his eyes and looked at him suspiciousoly.

'Will I be able to go to the beach?' he asked shyly. ' And swim with Nagisa, Rei and.. and Makoto?'

'Sure' answered Rin, without even a blink.' Why not? You must agree for the surgery first, so we can help you'

'Makoto will go as well?' investigated Haru.'I mean.. will his doctor let him?'

'Maybe not instantly but… for sure' Rin gently placed hand on his shoulder, almost sure that he's one of the worst people in the world ever. 'That's why you need to get better, Haru. To come back to them, do what you love the most. Be free.

Haru was still looking at him, carefully, thoughtfully. Piercingly.

'I would like to race again' he said silently. 'With you' he added.

'Why with me?'

'Because you understand' answered Haru with serious voice. 'Swimming. Being free'.

He understood. He remembered.

He was well aware that Nanase – by saing all this – invited him to his inner circle – narrow group with access to his thoughts and dreams. Few people that had the chance to really know and understand him. How diud he repay for that gift? He lied in the most cruel, low and disgusting way to prolong his life, even if for a while.

His thoughts came back to the phorograph in his bag. Gou had to place it there, probably just to annoy him. Picure of whole old swim team, in which Jerry was smiling, happy, alive. Not so similar to Haru after all. The only thing they had in common were the eyes – blue and as deep as the ocean. And freedom.

'Okay' he reached his hand to Haru. ' If you agree for the surgery, I promise that we'll race. But I'm choosing the style and distance.

'I only swim free' said Haru, accepting doctor's hand.

'I know'

 

'You lied to him' said Nitori, when the ICU door closed behind them. Rin gave him the signed infomed consent form.

'Please, take it to the chief of department' he ordered. 'Let old Mikoshiba have some joy in life. I have no time for small talk, I need to prepare.' He added. ' And you too.'

'Doctor Matsuoka' Nitori stood in his way, blocking the entry to the ward, and looking at him with indignation. 'You lied to him. You manipulated him to sign the consent.'

'Me?' scoffed Rin. he tried to bypass Nitori, but he changed place, still blocking the way.'When?'

'You said that Makoto Tahibana is under good care'

'Well, isn't he?' Rin made a surprised face.'After all Sousuke Yamazaki is one of the best brain surgeons in this country'

'And he confirmed Makoto Tahibana brain dead less than one hour ago!' Nitori raised his voice. 'You didn't tell him about the death of his friend… a friend, who's supposed to be his donor! You gave him false hope, how could you?!'

Rin looked down on him, gently putting hand on his shoulder.

'Nanase agreed for the surgery. If everything goes according to the plan, he will leave the hospital with Tahibana's heart. Which means that in some sense his friend will be always with him, wherever he goes, even on that goddamn beach' he smiled mockingly. 'See? I didn't lie' he said, pushing him away. 'It all depends on perspective'.

He started to walk, towards the entry of the ward. Nitori needed a moment to deal with Rin's words.

'What about the race?' he asked, looking at him. He stood on the corridor, still holding the form in his hands.'I mean… you're not going to race him, right? You know that after the transplant he won't be able to…

'Oh, but I am going to race him' he said provocatively.'And I'm going to prepare now'.

 

Because it is a race after all, he thought, as he was walking the underground corridor leading to dissecting-room. A teal race, Haru, maybe the most ral and authentic you've ever taken part in. More real than all your childish games. The lamps were blinking as he was passing them. Dissecting-room was lit with faint, cold light. Blue floor, white walls, metal table. Smell of formalin, Dead body. Scalpel.

Final rehersal before what was about to happen upstairs.

Real training, Haru, not your reckless games.

Real training and real race with everything at stake.

You or me?

My surgeon hands or your flickering, disobedient heart? My precision and skills or death you allowed to come so close? Who is going to be faster? Who is going to win?

He turned on the stoper. He buried scalepl in the dead body.

 

'Doctor Yamazaki" the door to the office were open, but Nitori gently knocked the wall before he entered. Sousuke looked up from his papers, trying to identify the guest and associate the face with surname.

'Nitori. I'm doctor Matsuoka's resident'.

'Ah, yes' Sousuke gave him small, friendly smile. 'Hello, Rin's resident. How can I help you?' he blinked.' That bastard is using his interns again to carry all his papers?'

'Well, actually.. I've came here because I knew you are his friend.'

'If you say so' Sousuke became grim and bitter at the thought of their last conversation. Nanase was going to receive Tahibana's heart. That indicated quite clearly, that Rin had to do something, despite all the warnings and pleading. He risked not only his career, but also Sousuke's position.

'I've come here because..' Nitori blushed.' Because I wanted to talk about him.'

'Hm? Brain surgeon have him a careful look. 'Ok' he put his papers away. 'What do you want to know? How to pick him up? What kind of films does he like? Where to take him on a date?'

'I just wanted to say that I believe that doctor Matsuoka should not take part in Nanase's surgery.'

Sousuke furrowed his brows. He looked at him suspiciously.

'All right' he said slowly.'Why do you believe so, Rin's resident?'

'I… he dropped this earlier today' he gave Sousuke the rumpled photo of Australian swim team.


End file.
